Four Times Remus Lupin Cried
by DobbyLovesSocks
Summary: ...and one time Sirius Black was able to help


**For tumblr user _michaelatheuchiha _for the Harry Potter Secret Santa exchange. :)**

**Word count: 1494**

* * *

_Age 11_

The Gryffindor Common Room was filled with laughter as people nudged their friends and pointed to a boy standing in the corner, tears dripping down his cheeks.

"You're crying," a low voice said, poking the boy in question between the shoulders.

"Yeah," he said, blinking furiously, "And you're Sirius Black. Shouldn't you be laughing at me?"

Sirius grinned halfheartedly. "Nah, everyone else seems to have gotten that covered. And besides, I only laugh at people who deserve it. What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Remus said quickly, pushing his hair out of his eyes. "I'm just, uh, not feeling well."

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "People don't usually cry when they're sick," he said skeptically. "But I guess that would explain why you weren't at classes yesterday. I didn't see you in the dorm, either. Were you in the infirmary?"

"I, uh... yeah." Remus blinked. Had anyone else been the one asking, he would have replied yes instantly. But for some reason, he was almost tempted to tell this boy the truth. Which was crazy. Sirius Black seemed like the last person to trust your secrets with... So why was Remus so tempted to tell him the truth?

Sirius looked suspicious, and Remus could tell he was the type of boy who had learned from a young age how to detect a lie, probably because he was so experienced himself. To Remus' relief, though, he let the subject drop and shrugged.

"Well, if you need a break from it all, you can come hang out with me and James." He jerked a finger toward his friend. "See you later, I guess."

Remus took a shaky breath. He didn't enjoy having to lie about his lycanthropy, but it was nice that someone actually seemed to care. It was just surprising that that someone happened to be Sirius Black.

* * *

_Age 13_

"You're a werewolf."

Remus' mouth fell open. "Am not. Why would you even say that?"

"Yes, you are, and we know it. Quit lying."

Remus felt tears spring to his eyes as his voice started to tremble. "Why would you even think that? I'm _not_!"

"Stop already." This time it was James. "We know it's true. Relax."

This time, Remus couldn't hold the tears back, and a sob escaped him. Peter shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot as James and Sirius exchanged a nervous look. Remus stepped back from them as he pressed his forehead against the wall and cried.

"So you _are_ a werewolf!" Peter said, sounding amazed.

"Keep your voice down!" There was a pause as Remus slowly wiped his eyes and turned to face his friends. "That's the second time someone's said that to me today. What did I do?"

"I _told_ you it was a stupid idea, James," Sirius groaned. "You see, James here decided it would be a great idea to follow Lily Evans around all day until she noticed. So we followed her up here, and heard her tell you. That's so cool, though! Why didn't you tell us?"

Behind the excitement and shock, Remus saw a look that he never expected to see on Sirius' face- hurt.

"Dumbledore told me to keep it a secret," he mumbled. This time, though, Sirius called him out on the lie.

"Dumbledore wouldn't have minded you telling _us._ There was something else. Spit it out."

But it was Peter who finally answered. "He thought that if he told us, we would ditch him for being a wolf. He grew up thinking it was this awful thing about him, even though we don't care. Right?"

Everyone stared at Peter in amazement as Remus slowly nodded.

Sirius laughed. "You think we'd stop being your friend for a stupid reason like being a werewolf? Come on, Rem, that just makes it even better. Now Snivellus will have another reason not to mess with us."

"Don't you _dare_ tell Severus or I will..."

James grinned. "He's just kidding, we've got this. Secrets are our forte, as I'm sure you know." He winked. "Now let's go get some lunch, I'm starving."

"You're _always_ starving," Sirius replied.

"Oh, like you aren't."

Sirius paused, trying to find a comeback. "Whatever," he said, shaking his head, "I'll meet you down there in a minute. I need to talk to old wolfy here."

Shrugging, James and Peter walked out of the Common Room, and Sirius looked his friend in the eye.

"You didn't trust us." He paused for a moment, and, before he could think better of it, slapped Remus across the face. Not so hard that it would leave any damage, but hard enough to hurt. "We _had_ to figure it out on our own, when else would we have found out? When were _you_ gonna tell us, huh? Seventh year? Your wedding?"

Remus opened his mouth to argue, but just bit his lip as Sirius kept going.

"Guess you didn't trust us as much as I thought."

With that, he stormed out of the room, leaving Remus with tears in his eyes once again.

* * *

_Age 19  
_

"You're crying."

"I'm aware."

Sirius took a deep breath, as if trying to suck the tension out of the air. "Well, go on, what is it _this_ time?" he asked, a smile in his voice. Remus didn't smile back.

"Can I ask you something kind of odd?"

"For the millionth time, Remus," Sirius said, feigning exasperation, "I don't think unicorn porn is hot. But if that's what you're into, _that's okay."_

"Can you please be serious for just a minute?"

"Of course, aren't I always Sirius?"

Remus shot him a look, and Sirius immediately assumed a docile expression and looked up at him expectantly. "Fine, fine, what is it?" he sighed.

Remus bit his lip. "What do you live for?" he asked quietly. "Like... what keeps you alive every day, makes you want to keep going?"

"That's easy," Sirius replied, grinning. "Knowing that every day I can come up with new ways to piss you guys off. That, and Mrs. Potter's treacle tart. Damn, does that woman know how to make a good tart."

"Who knew something so shallow could be so sweet?" Remus agreed, momentarily distracted.

"Well, we know James, don't we?"

Remus started to laugh, but caught himself. "That's really what you live for, though? Being annoying and eating dessert?"

"Basically," Sirius said, shrugging. "I mean... You guys, I guess." He shifted in his seat uncomfortably. "What about you, Moony? What do you live for?"

"I don't know, Sirius," he said desperately, "That's why I'm asking. I used to live for music, I guess, for books, but now... I just don't think that's enough."

All traces of a smile were now gone from Sirius' face. "You mean you want to die?"

"I mean... I don't want to _kill _myself, Sirius," he said, tears filling his eyes. "I just don't want to _be_ here anymore."

"Then why are you?" Sirius asked in a low voice.

Remus looked shocked for a moment, then confused. "I'm just waiting for the next thing, I guess. The next book in a series to come out, the next band I fall in love with."

Sirius stood up abruptly, and for a moment, it looked like he was about to embrace his friend, until he grabbed his head as if he wanted to pull his hair out. Remus looked at him, teary-eyed, and Sirius just shook his head.

"Sometimes," he said quietly, "it hurts to know that a stupid _book_ can help you more than I ever will."

* * *

_Age 20_

"Can't believe our Prongs proposed to Evans, huh?"

"Oh, I can believe he proposed," Remus replied, laughing. "I'm just shocked she said yes." They both knew this was a lie; no one knew exactly how or when, but James and Lily really had fallen in love sometime in 7th year, and they had all been biding their time until the inevitable proposal.

"What about you, Moony? Any ladies in your life you haven't mentioned?"

Remus raised an eyebrow. "I think I would've mentioned it. What sane woman would have any interest in a werewolf, anyway? I don't think I'll ever find someone to settle down with. How did _James_ get the perfect love story?"

"Because he's the bad boy," Sirius said reasonably, "and girls always go for the bad boy."

"Even if I fall in love, no one could love a werewolf." Remus felt tears fill his eyes, and tried to will them away. Something hot fell onto his cheek.

To his surprise, Sirius didn't contradict this. "I feel you, Moons. Well, no," he grinned, "because what sane girl _wouldn't_ want a piece of this? But I don't think I could find one person I'd want to stick with forever. Too many options, you know?"

Remus shrugged, and Sirius clapped him on the shoulder.

"We can be loners together, sound good?"

Remus slowly walked toward his friend and wrapped his arms around him, letting Sirius' shirt absorb his tears.

"Sounds like a plan."


End file.
